hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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