I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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