just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
