I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize