Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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