i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
