he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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