i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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