I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
