I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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