dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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