What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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