we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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