Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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