she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
