my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
