My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
