Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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