Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
