I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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