I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
