Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just google imaged poop.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
