so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
