My nipple is on Facebook.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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