Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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