she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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