How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
