My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize