that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
