She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
