hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
