Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
