Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
