girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
