Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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