When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
