And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
