I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
