I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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