Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
