you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
