wat bout pragnant strippers??
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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