and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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