She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
