He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
