I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
