Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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