You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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