Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
