he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
