this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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