so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
