I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sex in a hospital.. check
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
