ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
