Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
