fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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