don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
