I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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