My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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