I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
