You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
