We named our party play list daddy issues
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
