Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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