u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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