i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
