He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize