I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
