Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
