The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
