South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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