You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
