just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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