Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
