I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
