Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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