It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
