There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
